They’re Ruining My Life

I am led here in my bed, snuggled under the duvet, with my handsome boyfriend, all cosy and warm. Sounds perfect doesn’t it? And it would be, aside from the fact that I am in agony from my scalp all the way down into my toes. Every inch of me hurts. There is not one single part of my body that isn’t in intense pain. The worst pain that I am experiencing, from the conditions that are ruining my life, is pelvic pain, from a disease called endometriosis, and another called adenomyosis.

The pain is relentless, nothing makes it better, nothing helps. The only thing that helps, for a small amount of time, is sleep. Purely because I can escape the pain, because while I am asleep I can’t feel the pain. Although the pain has gotten so bad that I can almost feel the pain in my sleep, as crazy and bonkers as that may sound.

I can almost hear you thinking, ‘oh yeah, but endometriosis (and adenomyosis) just  cause bad period pains’. My goodness, you wouldn’t be more wrong. Don’t get me wrong, I thought the same thing, until my journey with these diseases started.

No word of a lie, these diseases are completely taking over my life, and ruining my life. Every single day, every single second of every single day, I am in horrendous pain because of them. My uterus, my Fallopian tubes and my ovaries are in agony … Dull pain, sharp pain, shooting pain, stabbing pain, you name it, they do it. Spasms, contraction like pain, the sensation of my ovaries and Fallopian tubes being pulled apart, the feeling of a thousand knives being plunged into my pelvis, dragging pain, the feeling that I am bleeding internally.

But they don’t just effect my reproductive system, these diseases cause bladder symptoms, gastrointestinal symptoms, kidney pain, extreme fatigue, nausea, and extreme abdominal swelling – to the point that I constantly look heavily pregnant.

Because of endometriosis, and adenomyosis, the other chronic health conditions that I battle are worsening, and making me even more miserable.

I spend pretty much all of my time in bed, led down because sitting up makes the pain worse. Watching TV – when I can concentrate on it for long enough, sometimes all I can manage is 10 minutes of a TV show I’ve not seen before, then I need to sleep because  concentrating on that has completely wiped me out. I am spending most of my days sleeping, and crying.

I hate, hate, HATE what is happening to me. I hate that I am now out of options, that I have tried everything, that I am stuck like this with no relief for any period of time.

There are millions of women worldwide who are battling these diseases, and their lives are so similar to mine. Luckily, some women’s lives aren’t so harshly impacted by their symptoms. I just wish that I could do something, anything, to help all women with endometriosis and adenomyosis. I wish there was a cure, or at least some effective treatment, that would work for every single warrior.

I don’t 100% know what the point of this blog post was, maybe just to vent, to rant. Or maybe, just maybe, it was to try to inform any of you who read this, that endometriosis and adenomyosis are a life ruining diseases.

Please don’t you ever underestimate the devastation it causes to the poor women who fight them.

Goodnight my poppets,

Soph Ellie xo.

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